One of the most profound things I have found with Emanuel being Autistic is taking him to the store. Since I can remember Emanuel has HATED going to the store and for the longest time it baffled me. I remember the first time he went to the store he was a little over two months old. He needed diapers and since at that time preemie diapers were only sold at BabiesRUs that is where we went.
At the time I was living with my mom and she was my ride since I was still not able to drive because of the surgery. Most of the car ride over to the store Manni was content and on the verge of going to sleep. By the time we parked and got out of the car Manni was sound asleep so I gently placed the car seat in the stroller and away we went. Within minutes of entering the store Emanuel had woken himself up and started to scream. When I mean scream I mean SCREAM!!! My mother tried everything from rubbing his tummy to giving him his passy and bottle, but nothing was working. I finally picked him up out of the seat hoping that was what he wanted. NO SUCH LUCK!! He just kept screaming and screaming and SCREAMING. The whole time we were in the store nothing would sooth him or calm him down. We quickly got what we needed and checked out, and as soon we left the store he STOPED. No joke he turned it off as soon as I was out the front door and started to suck his passy and fall back to sleep. It was one of the strangest things I have EVER encountered and unfortunately it would not be the last time he would do that.
After that wonderful day every time we went into the store Manni would scream and as he got older cup his ears and rock back and forth at times. I went to doctor after doctor thinking something was wrong, but no one could give me an answer. When Manni was a little over two years old his OT (Occupational Therapist) suggested that I look up Autism and talk to the doctor about it. From there I started to get answers and started to learn how to help Manni a just to those once dreaded times of the day and week like going into a store. Through a lot of therapy and some VERY awesome therapist I learned how to look for cues from Manni and how to help him verbalize when things were too much for him and when he needed to leave a store without all the melt downs.
Today Manni still gets overwhelmed when the store is too crowded, but he will tell me he would like to go and sit at the food court or go over to the electros (his fav thing) were there are less people. If we are in a restaurant he will get flushed and ask how long we are going to be there, cueing me that something is overwhelming him. Most of the time he is fine as long as he has something to occupy himself in the store. He carries his phone on him at all times so if he does need to go to a less crowded space he has access to me at all times and I have access to him at all times!
I have asked Manni to describe what is going on when he feels over whelmed. He said sometimes there are too many people or it is too noisy and he feels sick to his stomach. He has also described it as if a million people wear screaming at him and the lights are flickering so much that he gets a horrible headache. It is hard to really put yourself in his shoes since you and I have never really gone through anything nearly as profound as what he is going through. I think the best description I have found to this date is one off my fav web site! This AWESOME description @ Autism Speaks is more then enlightening it is life changing and puts everything into retrospect for me. I have copied the description below for you to read!!!
My senses are out of sync.
This means that ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. My environment often feels hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent or mean to you, but I’m just trying to defend myself. Here’s why a simple trip to the grocery store may be agonizing for me.
My hearing may be hyperacute. Dozens of people jabber at once. The loudspeaker booms today’s special. Music blares from the sound system. Registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder chugs. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can’t filter all the input and I’m in overload!
My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn’t quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn’t showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they’re mopping up pickles on aisle three with ammonia. I feel like throwing up.
And there’s so much hitting my eyes! The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it flickers. The space seems to be moving; the pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing. There are too many items for me to be able to focus (my brain may compensate with tunnel vision), swirling fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects how I feel just standing there, and now I can’t even tell where my body is in space.
My Blue light shines for not just my Son but all who suffer from Autism!
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